Tuscany Rap

Bon giorno friends, we’ve reached day six.
Time to bring out a few new tricks.
Put away that boring elevation map.
Today we’re gonna have a real route rap.

Let your fingers snap
It’s the Tuscany rap. (2x)

It’s nearing the end of our Backroads trip.
We may not be young. We may not be hip.
But we’re fortissimi as we power our bikes.
Not for us those wussy hikes.

We explored the land of Amerigo Vespucci.
Michelangelo, David and John Belushi *
Rudy Guliani, Joe DiMaggio
Sinatra, Madonna, Caravaggio.

They say in Rome, do as the Romans do.
In Montepulciano, the same thing’s true.
Sip Chianti. Savor Brunello.
But just ask Mitch: No limoncello.

Pile up the pasta, pizza, dolci and gelato.
Bring it on! That’s become our motto.
And remember the advice of the Chianti chef.
Enjoy good food, good wine and [pause] good F.

Biking, like life, has its ups and downs.
But tutto bene, we don’t want no frowns.
Going up the hills, we feel the burn.
Going down, don’t miss that hairpin turn!

Now here’s a sign of a harmonious couple.
When they go by, you’re seeing double.
So bravo Ron! Bravissimo, Jerry!
On a tandem, life is always merry.

Riding a bici, it’s easily done.
A child can do it, it’s always fun.
Push the pedal, turn the wheels.
But only Becky does it in her platform heels!

For Bill, this trip’s a piece of cake.
He’s sempre bravo, his quads don’t ache.
He biked across America, did it twice.
And without the van, that’s mighty nice.

John flies downhill like he’s in a race.
Uphill, it’s more like a turtle’s pace.**
As for Tammy, she can’t catch Mitch.
But don’t blame her. Those climbs are a bitch!

Andiamo, Lisa! Avanti, Max!
It’s your 18th trip. You know all the facts.
Lisa keeps pumping, Max goes by in a flash.
And unlike Microsoft Windows, they don’t crash!

In Siena, Asciano and of course in Roma,
No one wants to suffer from melanoma.
Ask Doctor Gary: What’s to be done?
Bullfrog under the Tuscan sun!

It’s your vacation. You get to choose.
This ain’t no race. You can’t win or lose.
Bike the long option? Yes we can!
Or make like Karen and hop in the van.

Now all good things, alas, must end.
Hey, our aging muscles need time to mend.
But while the pain will fade, the memories last.
Arriverderci, friends! It’s been a blast.

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Our peerless leaders, Lindsay and Jer.
He of powerful limbs. She so strong and fair.
They served us well. What’s left to say?
Just this. Quite simply. Grazie.

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*Fans of soap operas and true rhymes may substitute Susan Lucci. 
**Perhaps motivated by this slight, John flew by me up the hill the next morning.